Notions: Secrets, Lies & Quilting

melissa • May 20, 2017 • 112 Comments

You are not the boss of us. Any of us.

That’s our message to the recently unveiled secret Facebook group of quilters who seem to have banded together to drive so-called unsavory characters out of quilting. Only thing is, their targets are talented individuals who are contributing greatly to our q-niverse and living a creative life. The only thing that turns up unsavory is this secret group.

Well, okay. Maybe “unsavory” is an understatement. It’s one thing to criticize someone’s quarter-inch. It’s a whole other terrible thing to criticize someone’s lifestyle or politics or social views in the name of cleaning up the quilt world. This group’s brutal, hateful tactics seem motivated by a desire to destroy people who are gay or look different or live a different lifestyle AND to destroy their livelihoods, at least from the quilting industry.

This secret group came to light a few days ago just as much of the quilting world was gathering in St. Louis, Missouri, for Spring’s International Quilt Market. It has since been decried publicly by hundreds of quilters, including longarm magician Karen McTavish, who is reportedly one of the group’s targets. (Her crime? Well, she’s got tatts and dreads, but we prefer to think it’s her mad skills that made the secret cabal jealous and judgmental.) Karen spoke out loudly and clearly in a Facebook live message; if you’d like to hear it, go here.

Calling out bullies and bullying has been a thing with GenQ for a while, actually. We began collecting stories of bullying and sharing them in “awareness ads” last year particularly aimed at getting people to not be so crappy to one another on social media. Here’s one:

And another:

When we started this PSA campaign, we were just responding to random acts of bullying we had heard about, and trying to get people to knock it off. Just. Play. Nice. And while that meanness was bad enough, it is nothing—NOTHING—compared to this secret group that apparently has a whole different agenda. You might not like who someone loves or how they conduct their life, but it is wrong, wrong, wrong to try to destroy their careers, their professional and personal relationships, and their passion for their art.

So, we know there’s a list of these secret meanies floating around. We have seen part of it, but we’re not going to publish it. That would accomplish nothing, and would, we think, be stooping to their level. Instead we’re going to focus on the good things in quilting: the talent, the wide-open horizons of style and technique, the limitless sphere of art we can create with needle, fabric and thread. Join us? Because in our q-niverse, there is NO ROOM for people who attack others.

Quilt. Sew. Live. Breathe.

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Categories Notions (opinion) Q-Bullies Uncategorized


  • Beverly Rae Letsche • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #1

    I have quit a couple of on-line groups because of that kind of thing. No excuse!

    • Patty colin • 4 years ago
      COMMENT #

      Quilting is suppose to be a happy place and stress free..ugg to those people…

    • Keri L Hanke • 4 years ago
      COMMENT #

      Me too!

  • Jackie Lathem • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #2

    OH very well said!!!

    • Monique • 4 years ago
      COMMENT #

      How awful…I did not know this was happening. When will people be happy for others and themselves. It’s just beyond understanding of this kind of bullying and haterď…I don’t get it…very disturbing.

      • Nancy • 4 years ago
        COMMENT #

        Interesting that the incidence of bullying in all areas has increased tremendously since Trump was inaugurated.

        • institchesquilts • 4 years ago
          COMMENT #

          I don’t think he’s the reason. I think bullying has been escalating since 9/11.

        • cindysewher • 4 years ago
          COMMENT #

          Dear Nancy, I love “you” ! BUT, would you believe that there are judgemental people out there who criticized me for saying something similar, they replied that there was no place for politics in quilting. I’m mad at myself for not replying that quilting has always reflected public opinion and shown what women were thinking and what they cared about in their lives !!

        • Rebecca Chulski • 4 years ago
          COMMENT #

          I’m sorry I’m not following you. I know he’s not the most loved but…

        • Lorrie • 4 years ago
          COMMENT #

          And there it is. Let’s make it someone else’s fault except the person actually doing it. I was wondering when politics would be brought in.

        • Shelley Gardner • 4 years ago
          COMMENT #

          I would disagree- it started in the campaign cycle. It seems we are no longer Democrats and Republicans- instead the parties are referred by nasty slurs I will not repeat. A lot of people thought it would settle down after the winner took office, and here we are, in the next spring and it isn’t a single ounce better. Society has lost it’s way on being civil and kind.

        • Nan • 4 years ago
          COMMENT #

          Political comments should stay in other forums. Not all of us think alike and we are not going to change anyones mind anyhow. Politics are not worth losing friendships. Life is much easier if we can agree to disagree and just keep quilting a happy pastime for all of us

        • Ginger • 4 years ago
          COMMENT #

          No bullying has not increased since Trump was elected. It has always been around and is an epidemic. There just seems to be more awareness and focus.

  • Helen Summers • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #3

    Good for you! I saw a reference to this group on IG, thanks for speaking out.

  • Tamara • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #4

    I’m appalled First I’ve heard of this. One thing though, I really don’t think it’s even ok to criticize someone’s quarter-inch. How about we just encourage each other?

    • flossypatchedbritches • 4 years ago
      COMMENT #


      • Randi • 4 years ago
        COMMENT #

        Yes please! There is enough negativity in the world. Let’s reach out and support each other.

  • Sandie • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #5

    I’m so sad to read that quilters are resorting to bullying. I was just telling my husband that what I love about my quilt guild and smaller groups I belong to is that we never talk about politics, etc. We are united in our love of quilts and quilting and that’s what we talk about. This bullying is so uncalled for. Please people, be kind.

    • Cindy Smith • 4 years ago
      COMMENT #

      I Totally Agree…But it was very Disappointing for a Quilter that has a television Show to come on social media last year during the Election year and try and sway the Public with her Political views and Use her name to promote the Abortion issue and the Gay Lifestyle and use her Name and popularity as a platform to vote for the Democrat Candidate. She opened herself up to Attack, which I stood my ground against such things…I played Nice in the sandbox but people that have a stage sometimes open themselves up, for their own agenda. I Will Never again watch this Lady’s show on television and Lost a ton of Respect for her. Stay out of Politics and Religion and degrading our President and joining the forces against the President. Just do what you do Best and show us your Quilting talents and you will have Fans and an Audience….Walk in Peace and Love….Cindy Smith

      • negativitysucks • 4 years ago
        COMMENT #

        Whoever you are speaking of, did so in a public forum. She didn’t go hide in a safe place, while sabotaging others. She didn’t cower in a dark corner of the web while spewing homophobic slurs. I have no problem with someone speaking their opinion. None.
        My problem is cowards and bullies, which these hateful women were exposed to be. If you don’t want to watch someone’s television show because of their political views, then simply don’t. It’s really simple.
        If you want to absorb someone’s knowledge, have them help you with your career, your art, your craft, whatever, and then go behind their back and jam a knife in it, then the problem isn’t them. It’s you.
        And THAT is what was going on in this whole drama. So let’s just stop with the “they deserved it” defense. Speaking out about things you believe in isn’t a crime. Sending that person a death threat, on the other hand, is.
        And, for the record, being gay isn’t a “lifestyle”. It’s who someone is. On that, it’s not “agree to disagree”. If you aren’t gay, you don’t get to tell someone who is, what to call it.

      • Rebecca Chulski • 4 years ago
        COMMENT #

        Here Here. Very well said.

      • CHRISTINE J OLAH • 4 years ago
        COMMENT #

        Whoever she was- she is entitled to her opinion as are you. She is also entitled to voice her opinions on whatever platform she has available. That is guaranteed in our Constitution. I am amazed that her opinions pushed you to such dislike of her and such a level of anger. And let me point out that many quilters used their work to voice political and social and religious opinions, ie. Cross of Thorns, 54-40 or Fight, as just 2 patterns I can think of right now.

      • Stephanie B. • 4 years ago
        COMMENT #

        I think you are getting off-topic or missing the point. People are free to use their social media or public platform to express their views, just as you are free to disagree with them. The adult thing to do is to either engage them in civil discussion on the matter or simply ignore it and move along.
        Stating a belief or expressing a view is *not* opening yourself up to attack… that is simply blaming the victim. There is never an excuse for the childish behaviour and personal attacks that have taken place that prompted this article.

      • Sandy Heinrich • 4 years ago
        COMMENT #

        Very well said!

      • Nancy • 4 years ago
        COMMENT #

        But…what you just said is a form of “hate”. Let people just be who they are. If you truly believe “Walk in Peace and Love” then you need to walk in peace and love. Tolerance is love.

      • kay durham • 4 years ago
        COMMENT #

        playing to one political side is such a silly business model. If i pay for class/etc. I DONT PAY FOR YOUR advice or sermon, political likes/dislikes or religiqous views!! I dont want ot hear any of it!! If you need platform get a self help group started. Keep me out of it. Perhaps this is what these women were doing. I dont believe in boycotting or subversive techniques but if I have tried to get someone to stick to topic I paid for….they leave me no other choice but to ask their “boss” to have them quit. Sounds like BOTH sides have some soul searching to do and stop the harrassment on BOTH sides. For petes sake we live in country were we are allowed to have an opinion. It is bullying on BOTH sides to call foul when BOTH SIDES ARE AT FAULT. Yes words hurt…emotions matter..take personal responsibility!! ENOUGH ALREADY

      • LK • 4 years ago
        COMMENT #

        Honest question because I see it all over, why are you choosing to capitalize these words?

      • Patricia Cox • 5 months ago
        COMMENT #

        I agree with your statement. What is happening to our society. Why not stick to our venue. Quilting. Leave politics, religion, marital problems or anything else that would change the comradeship of the quilting communities we enjoy. Let’s leave these other topics for a different arena. Enjoy the artistry and passion for creativity.

    • Patricia • 4 years ago
      COMMENT #

      I was going to say something similar but you did it so much better.

  • eileenkny • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #6

    Thank you for posting this. Hate needs to be stamped out!

  • Alicia Key • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #7

    All need to remember that .when a finger is pointed, 4 fingers point back at “that” person. Talented though a one may be, it doesn’t give her rights to be rude to others whether it’s quilting (which it was in my case) or another belief system. That particular “star” and others desperately need to remember your place when talking to others.And without us “lowly” ones, you “stars” would be nowhere!

    • Janet • 4 years ago
      COMMENT #

      Well it is really only three, because your thumb just has a mind of its own.

  • Caron Mosey • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #8

    Wonderful message! Nicely done, greatly appreciated!

  • Shelley Gardner • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #9

    We’ve seen a list but we aren’t going to publish it. That amounts to saying “I just witnessed a man rape a woman, and I know his name, but I’m going to protect him by not revealing his name.” Nothing can be done until we expose these people’s names. Otherwise, they are just free to do it again, unchecked. Because people won’t actually DO anything to stop them, if they don’t know who they were.

    Publishing the names is not mean. It’s forcing them to be accountable for what they did.

    • jake • 4 years ago
      COMMENT #

      We don’t have their names but we
      always try to answer the overriding issues. Since we can’t confirm the validity of their individual actions, we’re not comfortable calling out the people involved. It’s a “secret” group so we’re not privvy to the posts. But, because we saw some of the chat happening, we felt okay to address the overriding issues.

      • Kim Morris • 4 years ago
        COMMENT #

        You admit you’ve seen part of the list, so you do have names – not naming them is a cowardly act and giving them cover. The above comment from Shelley Gardner is accurate. You are either for the dark or the light, this is no time for trying to straddle both worlds and live in twilight.

        • jake • 4 years ago
          COMMENT #

          Kim: Melissa and I are trained journalists. I refuse to name people when I can’t confirm either their actual identity or their membership in this group. That risks libel suits because it’s irresponsible. We saw enough shared screenshots to convince us this was happening but I haven’t been able to confirm individual participation. If you want to call that cowardly, so be it. But I’ve seen too many ID errors in media over the years to knowingly contribute to the problem. The bigger issue to me is that a group like this exists.

          • Colleen • 4 years ago
            COMMENT #

            Very well said. False or unconfirmed reporting is where rumors start and there enough of that already. I appreciate you putting out a “beware” instead of being irresponsible.
            Now get back to sewing everyone!! We all have talents to use!

          • Sandy • 4 years ago
            COMMENT #

            If you can’t confirm it you shouldn’t say it at all.

      • Barbara • 4 years ago
        COMMENT #

        I agree with Shelley in that I would like to know the shops and any long armers that support this kind of bullying so I can not give them my business.

    • Andrea_R • 4 years ago
      COMMENT #

      Eric the Quilter has screenshots from Facebook.

    • kimberly cherrine • 4 years ago
      COMMENT #

      I agree here..I am hard working and although I don’t quilt for a living I in NO WAY want to buy any product from ANYONE who supports or encourages or even associates with people who act in ways not honorable or hateful..In other words I don’t want them having my or my friends hard earned dollars PERIOD!

    • Cathy King • 4 years ago
      COMMENT #

      I agree!! We need to know who they are….they need to be exposed!!

  • Weeks • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #10

    “It’s one thing to criticize someone’s quarter inch.” I don’t even think it’s OK to criticize someone’s quarter inch. If it doesn’t directly affect your life and isn’t productive, how about keeping that unkind and judgemental thought to yourself? We all came to the quilting community to share our interest and to learn from each other. The only words that should ever be spoken about a quilt someone else made are positive and encouraging ones.

  • Gerri Richards • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #11

    Wow, I had not heard of this group, but good for you to stand up to them. I have had some bullying from several people on groups, but for the most part quilters are good people. To judge anyone is wrong, no matter what. Good on you for standing up and a great article!

    • Sallee Murtha • 4 years ago
      COMMENT #

      Very well said…..I am not terribly engrossed in the “Quilters World”…but love quilting and the groups I belong to. Who cares if your quarter inch is not exact? Or you have tattoos. Or who you voted for? (which should never be a topic of quilters.) Enjoy each other and the work… And if you can’t say something good, don’t say anything at all! No one else wants to hear another quilter being judgmental…..UNLESS SHE/HE is the judge for the quilt show!

  • Lisa Chin • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #12

    Perhaps more time quilting and less time critiquing would be a good solution for the quilt bullies? Let’s not confine ourselves to one type of quilting, or one lifestyle. There is room for everyone in this lovely world.

  • farmquilter • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #13

    Sad…just so very sad to have this go on.

  • Paula Y. • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #14

    This reminds me of how awfully Caryl Bryer Fallert was treated when her “gasp” MACHINE quilted entry won Best of Show in Paducah years ago. Look how far machine quilting has come. Wonder if her naysayers are still around.

  • Aileen • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #15

    Well said! Thank you and congratulations for your long time anti-bullying campaign.

  • quiltzyx • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #16

    I am a Qbie, and a BadAss Quilter and I believe that creativity should be nurtured in all of its forms and in all of its practitioners. I could care less who you love or what ink you have. It is honestly none of my business. But if you want to show me your art, I will ooooh and aaaah and smile & hug the heck out of you for expressing it…even if it isn’t “my” style. It IS your style and that is awesome!
    Shame on the quilt bullies. Shame on them.

  • Audrey Gorman • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #17

    Yes, people. Think. Be kind. Speak or key to others as you would have them do to you. (God made that rule, if you remember.)

  • Anonymous • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #18

    Thank you. I sure hope that the bullies will take note and remember why we quilt and that there are NO Quilt Police. If you don’t like someone or their lifestyle or the way they dress, Don’t. Hang. Out. Where. They. Are!

  • Linda Carlson • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #19

    I’m shouting AMEN!!

  • Kathryn Heggs • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #20

    Bravo! The world needs more openness, compassion and tolerance. We may have VERY different views, but that has nothing to do with being creative or friendly or helpful with each other. (BTW, I have long admired Karen McTavish for her courage to just be herself.)

  • Sally Johnson • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #21

    What a great post. I’ve watched many times over the post Karen McTavish made recently. This world is so very divided and we all as human beings need to get a grip on reality. First and foremost bullying is simply wrong in anyway shape or form with regards to personal opinion. regardless of it being political or not. I am a follower of the wonderful Karen McTavish, follow her work closely as I have done with others in the quilting world, because it makes me a more cultured individual in this business. I feel you never can learn too much. The more information the better.
    Recently I made a post on my Facebook page that was neither pro or con a particular political figure. I then responded to a comment on my page and no sooner was that comment made I was blocked by that person. One who I have treasured as a colleague in this business, but thought of him as a mentor and a very special friend who I would do absolutely anything for. How in the hell can one comment create such bitterness, and make someone feel so offended. I feel like I lost my best friend. Have people lost the right of freedom of speech and have lost the right to voice their own opinion. How can one person make a world of individuals become so divided. This has affected TV shows and has torn families apart. Seriously we as Americans need to “GET A GRIP AND TAKE A STEP BACK AND LEARN TO RESPECT ONE ANOTHER AGAIN”!

  • Wendy Simmers • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #22

    Yes, just an unabashed whole hearted yes. Lead with your heart. Good things follow. Thanks for leading…

  • Colleen • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #23

    It is so sad that some people feel justified in attacking others, what a world.
    Quilting and all the other Art forms are full of people from all walks of life. Their joy in creating is all that matters. Their generosity is their willingness to share their creativity with the world. There is pure joy in inspiring/ sharing/ creating.
    I was lucky enough to not see any of this ( secret group) posts. Hope I never have the displeasure of meeting any of them.
    Karen Mctavish and any others who were attacked– oh my goodness! You are so talented, generous, inspiring, creative, Wonderful! I hope all of you know this ( small) hate group can not hold a candle to your thousands of fans/ supporters. Your talent and generosity has brought the quilting world into the twenty first century. You will all be remembered for generations- those others will ( fade away- be forgotten)

  • Karen Halse • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #24

    It’s this kind of thing that keeps me from belonging to any group, club or organization. I have no idea what makes people think they can say and do such things and get away with it.
    Life’s too short for all the drama. I like myself too much to participate.

  • Maritza • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #25

    Thank you for saying out loud what I was thinking. We should be able to disagree without wanting to ruin someone’s livelihood. I am now a fan of your mag and of Karen McTavish.

  • Lisa • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #26

    Sad normalizing of bad behavior seems to be times we find ourselves in. Not in my coven. Now or ever.

  • Jeanne Glick • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #27

    Hear ye hear ye! What a shame that this needs to be said! And thank you for saying it.

  • Debby Holman • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #28

    Well said! I applaud you! Who do these people think they are?? I’m sure they put their pants on one leg at a time, just like everybody else!

  • Michelle • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #29

    Bonnie- this was brilliant!! Thank you for stepping up to stand up to the bullies.

  • Karrie • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #30

    Sigh. The quilting blogs got me through grieving during 2010-2014. Now that IG exists, a lot of bloggers don’t regularly blog, so that’s why I say 2014.

    I used to be SHOCKED on how nice, helpful, thoughtful women were. That was not a common thing in my life at the time. I guess it was only time for the rest of the non-bloggers to sign up and let their voices be heard. I was so very grateful for this community, that I learned so much from.

    It makes me sick that many are probably so-called Christians that are doing this because they believe that everyone has to be the same, or they must be vilified. Everyone has the right to BE. Be anything and anyway that they want. And to DO anything they want. This group has NO RIGHT to try to change people from being their true selves. People that do this are damaged.

    We need to unite against bullying. It’s 2017 and nothing is more pathetic than a woman tearing down another woman, because they have been brainwashed to believe that they are a threat or just from pure jealousy. . We need to unite to SUPPORT one another in these tough times that everyone is going through. This includes everyone, not just some. The only time we need to be divisive is when people show bad behavior, like the comments I see above published in your magazine.

    Kudos for taking a stand!! I am strongly standing behind this philosophy. Thank you so much for speaking out and sharing.


    • Melanie Rowley • 4 years ago
      COMMENT #

      They aren’t doing it to make everyone be the same, they are doing it because at heart they are nasty people.

    • Ginny • 4 years ago
      COMMENT #

      Blaming ‘so called Christians’…….that is so unnecessary.

      • Nona • 4 years ago
        COMMENT #

        Karrie, I urge you to be very careful calling out “so called Christians” in your remarks. This is a very judgmental statement, very much like what the Special FB group has done. What is taking place here and there on blogs with hateful posts and back and forth and name calling is not being done by true Christians.

        • Shelley Gardner • 4 years ago
          COMMENT #

          Just for clarity, the group had “Conservative” in its name, and one of the apologies from that group referenced “I was standing in church and felt guilty”- so the reference to “so called Christians” came from that original group and is not an outside presumption Karrie made up about them.

          Of course. everyone who is a real Christian is appalled by their behavior, and it doesn’t match the faith that we were taught to believe, which is part of the problem. Had they listed themselves as a Hate Group, no one would be shocked, but quilters were pulled into that group merely thinking they were joining a Conservative group.

  • Pat Robertson • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #31

    Could not agree more! Bullying in any form, from anybody is reprehensible!

  • quiltify • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #32

    Why can’t people just be kind! Another great post.

  • Karen Smith • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #33

    I think there should be more quilting and less bullying. Perhaps some should learn the fine art of sewing zippers (as in zip your lip). I was taught if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all!

  • Janet G • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #34

    I find it so sad that some people feel they have a ‘right’ to crush another persons creativity.
    They don’t!
    Sadly it doesn’t only happen online, I was invited to a quilt guild to see if I would like to join, I was stunned to witness the behaviour of some of the older members in regards to the “quilting rules”.

    I didn’t know creativity came with a set of rules, honestly I never got that memo.
    Needless to say I did not join!

    Thank you for speaking out and taking a stand =)

  • flossypatchedbritches • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #35

    Bullying stinks in any form. Society seems to be shattering on many lines but quilting . . . . I ask you, where are the priorities?

  • Judy Warshaw • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #36

    This breaks my heart. I really believed that quilters were different, that meanness and intolerance was left out of their interactions which was one of the things that attrached me to them as a group. Most people are happier and more fulfilled in a community and I fantasized (obviously) that it was enough for people, that the few malcontents would be constrained by the opinions of others. I guess I was wrong and it makes me want to cry. I pray that the people doing this re-think their choices and make different ones from now on. It’s so very sad.

  • Jeanette • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #37

    I hope each of the people involved in these secret meanie groups is embarrassed. Even if they are not, I am embarrassed for them, and I don’t even know them (I hope). How sad a group of women (possibly men as well?) are hating on others to make themselves look better, to be a “part of” something. And the people who are following them out of fear? Where is your self esteem? You can’t get it from hurting others. Doesn’t work like that. You just look inept at following the Golden Rule. People who are in groups like this usually feel insignificant and need to glam on to someone else to find their worth. What are they worth? In this instance, absolutely nothing. Apologize for all the judgments you have passed, but don’t apologize to us. Apologize to the person you’ve attacked. Then ask for forgiveness, and NOT just theirs. Good luck in your future as I’ve a feeling all you meanies are going to need it. Sad that we even have to address this issue!

  • Kindness Matters • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #38

    A FB group was recently created called LOVE WINS Quilting as a true safe space for quilters to be their authentic selves in a kind and supportive environment. Social aggression is never acceptable.

  • shirley petersen • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #39

    ive not seen any of this but im appalled to think that some people cant understand that we all have the right to choose who we are and how we wish to live that what makes us decent human beings

  • L B • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #40

    It is good that people are being open and frank about this. But I feel I am only getting hearsay and not the facts.

  • Cheryl Hammond • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #41

    Those people who stand by idly while people in our quilting community are being harmed should also be held accountable. It is never okay to attack a person just because they don’t align with our beliefs or norms.

  • Minnesotanice2 • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #42

    I love Karen mctavish’s beautiful, exotic look. 🙂

  • Carole @ From My Carolina Home • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #43

    This is the first I’ve heard of this awful thing, coming here from a link on another blog. I agree, bullying in any form is wrong. Creativity and expression of our ideas in fabric should be encouraged, particularly with the next generation. Bravo for bringing this out in the open. I’m not on Facebook.

  • Melanie Rowley • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #44

    See this with vintage sewing machine groups too. Most of the ‘members’ were kicked out of one group or the other, so they make fake profiles and compete to see who can get kicked out of groups they join as ‘new’ people, and how many will kick them out.

    Bunch of losers.

  • Linda Thompson • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #45

    Yes, bullying stinks in any form….but, if someone shows a picture of something and asks advice how to correct an error, isn’t it wrong to say the piece is beautiful, or, I see nothing wrong. Isn’t it better to offer suggestions? Is that to be construed as bullying?

    • Ellen McKinley • 4 years ago
      COMMENT #

      I don’t think giving requested critique and suggestions falls in the same category. That being said, you can offer constructive criticism in a kind way, or a mean-spirited, UNconstructive way. And responding honestly to such a request generally doesn’t hurt the receiver professionally.

  • Joni Cartwright • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #46

    Bravo! Well said

  • Christine Carol • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #47

    Come hang out with us at Nasty Crafters SD (be sure to join the correct one, there’s a copycat of mine) on FB . . Viva la difference! Join me in creating your own Resistance Quilt, where we’re celebrating the fight for freedom, justice and equality ❤ love you

  • allysgrandma • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #48

    Is this real? Adult women in a secret quilting group to bully people? I have a really hard time believing they set up a secret group to bully people. I mean I know women and I’ve seen it happen in a group, but an organized group to attack quilters? Really?

    • Shelley Gardner • 4 years ago
      COMMENT #

      There was a letter writing campaign to have a gay quilter removed as a representative for a longarm manufacturer- no one besides those who were in that group can tell you how it morphed from “conservative quilting (the name) to belittling Karen for closing her shop on International Women’s Day and to gay bashing it ended up as.

  • Stacia Roble • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #49

    Bullying aside, I have stopped going to a sewing group at a local quilt shop because a couple of the participants with whom I am “friends” with on Facebook, constantly post political comments, This has greatly influenced my feelings toward them and sadly I cannot attend the sewing group. Why can’t we leave all this nonsense out of what should be a happy and creative endeavor (sewing and quilting)?yes

    • Kay durham • 4 years ago
      COMMENT #

      Absolutely agree. There seem to be groups forming of like minded people. I choose positive motivated people

  • Carole Lyles Shaw • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #50

    Thanks so Much!!! We all need to speak up to defend the rights of others.

  • Rosita Holder Fowler • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #51

    I don’t get it! I have never heard of this group and if I had, what is it to me? exactly how are they bullying? I don’t understand. How do they get to people to bully them? I must live in quilt heaven because I have never come across anything of this sort. If they are a secret group, how come anyone knows about them? and if they do exist, who cares? I don’t understand bullying. Now if it was on a personal basis, like a person in front of your face doing the bullying, I can understand that. I would love someone to explain to me how this is being done.

  • Sarah Craig • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #52

    What a shame that a hate group needs to latch on to quilting as a common factor. Don’t they know their common hate is enough? Leave us quilters alone! We are too busy making to be haters. Thanks for sharing, and I wish your No Quilt Bullies avatar was available as a button I could put on my blog. Let’s start a movement!

  • Debra lenfest • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #53

    I wrote a post on one of my quilt groups because of people putting others down because they bought material at wal-Mart, hobby lobby, or JoAnn’s. I had one person just go off on me that they wouldn’t darken the door of Walmart because of what they didn’t pay their employees and totally would not go in a hobby loony every because of the Supreme Court case ruling in their favor and would never go to jo Ann’s ever because their material all came from China.

    • janeontheprairie • 4 years ago
      COMMENT #

      It cuts both ways. I’ve seen shrieking designers and their bullying fangirls go off on people discussing construction of basic, traditional blocks. You can’t copyright a nine patch, girlfriends. When grown women are too scared to tell a newbie quilter “Oh, that’s just a bunch of HST arranged to create that effect,” you start to wonder what internet rabbit hole you fell down.

  • jacqui graham • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #54

    I don’t participate in any guild, am a member of a few online groups and yes I have seen some extremely vitriolic bullying going on at times and other times extremely wonderful generous helpful quilters. I am sad that the admins don’t always keep a check on the bullying when it does happen until it’s too late. I was an attendee at my lqs for years, bought fabrics, patterns and partook of the classes and the sit’n’sew sessions. Last year I walked into the shop for the class. The owner whom I had known for 8 years, came to me and said that I was banned from the shop/classes because I was rude, disruptive, didn’t listen to her and made her uncomfortable. I have been profoundly deaf all my life (52 years) and this is the first time I have ever ever been treated like this. It was because I was working on projects that had nothing to with her shop and people were taking interest. But it left me with a low self-esteem and depression- I cried for months. But I have moved on.

  • SusanP • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #55

    Cannot believe the stupidity of people. The gullibility of some is just mind-blowing. And no doubt the biggest haters in the “secret group” are also fanatics about other things. Perhaps they need more important activities in their lives, like getting on with their own lives and accept everyone is different!

  • Valerie • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #56

    I have found over the years that very few people ever see themselves as THAT person. You would actually have to say “so-and-so, you are being a bully, or mean or judgemental, ” or whatever. Either they are lacking in empathy and don’t see any problem or they are simply clueless. A blanket ” stop the meanness” would have little to no impact on those to whom the message is aimed. I think each individual needs to be called out on their behavior. And then. play devil’s advocate…would that be equally mean?

  • Teresa L Hoagland • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #57

    Quilters need to feel safe, prayer and Kindness is needed.

  • emmccorm1949 • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #58

    This is the first I have seen of this issue. I thought I somehow got into the wrong blog. But, not so. It makes me incredibly sad and gry. Stop it people. Just stop it. Quilting is my one safe place where i can count on people being kind and loving. Do if you are not, please just dtop it now.

  • QuiltShop Gal • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #59

    Wow. I had absolutely no idea that quilters could become so evil. My heart is heavy simply learning about this, but I’m still supportive that you created a campaign to increase awareness and hopefully drive a stop to this negatively.


  • Mary Beth Frezon • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #60

    i wrote about this on my blog recently. Take a stand. Rehearse responses. Don’t get sucked in or make no response at all.

  • karenquiltsnsews • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #61

    I looked around FB (I’m a loooong time computer, message board and FB user, and have been quilting for 45 years) and found a very few (like 3) f Facebook groups that I could join, a lot of posts were public, that had the words “Conservative Quilter” or “Conservative Christian Quilter”, etc… one had only 37 members, the other had about 50…. maybe there are other huge groups with not so obvious names… does that make them “secret”? I’m not sure I would categorize this as any type of serious “movement” or even a “big” issue, as this magazine article and all the attendant attention across the web seems to imply. I don’t like the fact that this is likewise not naming the haters, or providing the rest of us truth…if the point was to expose hate “groups”… How am I to know that this is also not just a bit of self promotion on the part of a publication. Just sayin….

    • teri • 4 years ago
      COMMENT #

      Hi Karen, thanks so much for reaching out and commenting to us. There are a couple of things with this particular group: it is a Secret Group on Facebook, which means that it can not be viewed by anyone who is not a member; there were members in name only, they were in some way admitted to the group however did not in any way participate. We chose not to publish the names in part for that reason.
      The “No Quilt Bullies” is something we’ve been promoting for a very long period of time, this is not new for us as mentioned by the notebook Teri took a photo of on her way to Quilt Market, and the Ads in our pages. Our friends have shared stories of bullying, and meanness with us, some receiving this in person, and some via the keyboard.
      If we can clarify anything else please feel free to reach out.

    • Beckyjopdx • 4 years ago
      COMMENT #

      What Teri says… I’m in a Secret parenting group…some moms and I from our old Yahoo group made a page, and we openly discuss our children, family things, etc…things we don’t want public about minors or our minor children. our group is much smaller now 15 years later, but you can’t find it or search for it. I’d have to invite you. It’s a legit thing.

      On another note, I quit a local guild because of clique-y and outright mean behavior as did quite a few others. Some of us are trickling back cautiously, but once bitten, twice shy. I’d rather we all boosted each other up- who’s got the time or energy for this negative crap? I’m there to share cookies, share laughs, and share inspiration.

  • Patricia Martini • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #62

    Thank you for bringing this to light and stop this bullying. We have to learn to live together and human beings and respect one another’s right to do things differently. WE ARE INDIVIDUALS!

  • Claudia • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #63

    I honestly thought that as quilters we had a way of building each other up and helping each other! I must live a sheltered life. I didn’t know this was happening.

  • Patricia • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #64

    Once again, social media is being used to denigrate people. And once again, I’m glad I don’t participate in this nonsense called social media. My advice–get away from your damn computers, cell phones, etc., and live in the real world.

  • Beth Rich • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #65

    My Grandmother always told me…never believe anything you hear…and only half of what you see…sometimes I think that’s a good piece of advice….

  • kay durham • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #66

    I totally agree with Karen McTavish posts regarding this matter. I am sick of the hate being spread from both sides. Her video and words are the only sane things I have heard about this. Goodness sakes….playing to one political side is such a silly business model. It makes perfect sense if i pay for class/etc. I DONT PAY FOR YOUR advice or sermon, political likes/dislikes or religiqous/nonreligeous viewspoints!! I dont want ot hear any of it!! If you need platform get a self help group started. Keep me out of it. Perhaps this is what these women were doing-who knows-dont care. I dont believe in boycotting or subversive techniques but if I have tried to get someone to stick to topic I paid for and they refuse or resort to reverse discrimination tactics….they leave me no other choice but to ask their “boss” to have them stop it. These people however secretive or ridiculous were within their rights as people to have opinions however ignorant or crude. Would I belong to group-NO!! Was it bullying–idk…define:use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants. Sounds like BOTH sides have some soul searching to do and stop the harrassment on BOTH sides now!!! For petes sake we live in country were we are allowed to have an opinion. If you dont like it you live in free world to change channel, change groups, start your own. It is bullying on BOTH sides to call foul when BOTH SIDES ARE AT FAULT. Yes words hurt…emotions matter…..all sides need take some personal responsibility for inappropriate boundaries!! ENOUGH ALREADY!!!!

  • Kay durham • 4 years ago
    COMMENT #67

    Both sides are being ridiculous and rude. Liberals spread as much hate as conservatives and this behavior is nutters and gives average people bad name. When I pay to take class I want to quilt…i don’t want hear any religious, political , mental rantings. I PAY TO LEARN QUILTING! PERIOD Both sides are acting ridiculous and need to need to stop this foolishness take personal responsibility for their inappropriate boundaries.

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